Shadow Work: Reliving Trauma (Part 1)
So let me start by saying this: I’m not begging for sympathy. The purpose for this shadow work is to allow the audience to see and experience what people with poor mental health and mental disorders, like PTSD, go through. This is a reminder that mental health is a very legit issue. A lot of people are afraid to seek help because of the harsh judgement others pass onto them and all because they fail to see and understand the issue. I used to know two co-workers when I lived in the Midwest. One was dealing with mental health issues and the other was the person who lacked understanding. The person who lacked understanding was very cruel. I remember them saying that our co-worker was faking suicidal tendencies to get attention. I’ve never been so disgusted with them. So, I beg of you to please be kind to others. You don’t know the fucking struggles they are facing.
======
My mental health had been taking a dive since I was able to somewhat comprehend my home situation in Texas. It only got worse due to bullying in school. I had ‘kick me signs’ posted on me (who didn’t) and I was ridiculed for accidentally wrecking a Lego castle two older girls made. I got beat with a soccer ball. I, the little first grader, was the punching bag. I was that weird, lonely kid in school and my grades sank. Fuck, I actually got an 18 percent on a long division quiz and it didn’t help that my third grade teacher announced the grade to the class. She might not have indicated who it was but it was humiliating just the same. I also got a 25 on a simple science project. That was how bad things were.
I was always a sea of tears, whether it was from school or at home, and I had really bad separation anxiety. Custody battles sucked and having teachers recommend you to special education classes didn’t help. Then you have kids that are complete assholes. That compounded things. Of course, there was the one kid that actually wanted to hurt me. I was in the fifth grade and there was this kid with a skateboard at the bus stop. He literally jammed his skateboard into my neck and he admitted to wanting to hurt me by saying he wanted to put me into a coma. For the record, the little bastard only got detention for it.
To this day, I will admit, I still have trouble with separation anxiety and anxiety in general, although not as extreme. I would like to say one thing, though…
Fuck you, Bradley.
